My dad and I didn’t always know how to connect.
But every now and then, we found something to do side by side.
When I was a kid, my dad and I joined the YMCA Indian Guides—a father-son program built around monthly meetings, crafts, and culturally insensitive role-play. I believe it’s called “Adventure Guides” now.
It was like Boy Scouts, but without the discipline, uniforms, or prestige. Just suburban dads and sons wearing green felt vests and calling each other “Red Bear.”
That was the name I picked at the very first meeting. We were handed a list of Native American names to choose from, no context provided. I picked “Red Bear.” My dad, fittingly, chose the next one down: “Sleeping Bear.”
Even then, I remember thinking that was unintentionally perfect.
Each month, we met at a different member’s house. The sons would do a craft or play a game while the dads milled around the snack table, trying not to parent too obviously. We earned iron-on patches for activities like hiking, candle making, or “learning” tribal customs that would absolutely not fly today.
At one point, my dad became “Chief of the Nation.” I don’t remember what that entailed. Probably just wrangling other dads into remembering which driveway the next meeting was at – but it came with status.
We even got to march in the Clifton Park 4th of July parade. He and I wore full feathered headdresses, waving to onlookers as we passed like it was all completely normal.
Looking back, I’m amazed at how sincere everyone was. No one questioned it. It was the ’80s, and all the white dads just leaned in.
If you tried to run a program like that today, there would be lawsuits, op-eds, and probably a viral video. But back then? It was just another Tuesday.
My dad wore that headdress with pride. I wore mine because I thought it made me a warrior. Years later, I realized the whole thing made us something else entirely: well-meaning but wildly out of touch.
Still, we were there together—green vests, feathered headdresses, Red Bear and Sleeping Bear. And for all its flaws, it was one of the most memorable things we actually did side by side.
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